I wish no one ask me that question again....

Are you pregnant? Dah ada apa2 ker?.... I think those were questions that has been bothering me since I got married.....

My standard answer will be "belum ada rezeki" or the time has not come yet...

Well, now I'm ready to spill the story out of my chest, hoping that no one will ask me that same question over and over again...

Yes, I was pregnant... The pregnancy had been terminated cos it was not at the right place. My menses was 2 days' late. Later that night, I was having severe stomach cramping on the left side of the abdomen. I didn't suspect anything cos I was not trying to get pregnant. When the doctor told me that my pregnany test came out positive, I was shocked. And on that particular day as well, the very first time I got my "VJJ" been probed with the speculum and the ultrasound transducer. By the end of the day, I looked like someone just stepped out from a coffin. Plus, it was the day I should have been working on my final exam paper but I spent the rest of day, sitting inside the bathtub digesting all the information simultaneously ....."No wonder I was having heartburn, it was a sign of pregnancy"...." No wonder I felt so lazy last week, I was pregnant"......... And the thoughts were painful......

So, I was in my confinement period for 22 days, alone... But luckily, I have a patience husband who went to search for ikan haruan/snakehead fish so that his wife can eat. He calmed me down when I was crying out of a sudden when I could not accept the fact that I lost my baby.

It was weird though. I knew I do not want a baby at this point of time but I just don't understand why I was crying when he was no longer there.

Anyway, thanks to my dearie friends who were there for me, Oya.. Shila... Kumitaa... Adilla... Ayu... Che Dah. I owe you guys so much...

Don't ask me that question again... please.... It hurts...