* This post is never written to make the readers understand. This post is just merely a luahan hati seorang graduate student*
There are several drafts of this kind of post which have been sitting for several years in my draft box. I decided to finish writing it up this time , let it out, once and for all
Here it goes..
This problem has been going on for several years now since I started optimizing my first assay in 2009. I have been shoved with one after another experiment, more than 5 animals at a time. It was still okay back then since I have only one assay to conduct at a time. Still, it took me some time to analyze all the data since the only computer that has the software is in the lab and I barely have enough time left during the day to analyze all the data. Last year, I decided to buy a Macbook ( because of compatibility issue, the software won't work in PC) just so that I can work at night to analyze the data and still spend some quality time together with my family. Thank you to my supervisor Liz who let me spend some grant money to buy the software and thank you to my dad who chipped in some money so that his (pregnant at that time) daughter would not have to spend her night in the lab.
Things started to get crazier after my 2 other assays optimized. Since I have started incorporating 3 assays in each animal study, I have been spending each day in the lab processing sample, staining, reading sample from Tuesday-Saturday (7-8 hours each day). I wish I can start my work on Monday, but the other cat colony where we get our negative control cats could not provide blood on Monday. Even though I do not have any experiments on Monday, I will still come to the lab since I have data to analyze, reagents to order and some housekeeping work that could only be done on Monday. That is my normal schedule. Usually, during the 4 weeks duration of our animal study, there will be cat dying- needed to be put down so some of the time, my Sunday and Monday will be occupied with work too. I did not complain until my co-supervisor N, wanted me to run those assays for longer than 4 weeks. I went home and as usual, complained to Jai and he asked me to write an email to my professor explain to them how overworked I am. I did. Only that, I write the email to Liz, instead of N. Why? From all these years, N never understands what I have been through. He never understands how non-realistic the design of his study. Since he has never been to our lab to check on me, he has no idea how I have been running around doing one work after another. The only person who understand me is Liz. Liz is soft-spoken person, unfortunately. She understands my pain but she still could not tell N how shitty his study design is and how overworked I am right now.
So, I decided to just stand up and speak up on my own when I received another shocking piece of news today. N decided to challenge all 26 cats + 8 cats in a new study next week. To note, the most I could do with these assays is 8. I have already agreed to run those assays on 8 cats but to be shoved with another 26 cats is just plain crazy. The staff over at N's lab told me I could do them in 2 batches-- yeah, my ass. It will take me 5 days every week to run the 8 cats , are you expecting me to sleep in the lab for the next 1-2 months running sample from the rest of the cats. At this point, I do not care whether I will graduate or not, so I wrote a long email to that staff. They can suggest what they want but in the end, I will be the one left with all the works.
I also realized I have to start pushing myself further to get some writing done. So, alhamdulillah, for the past few weeks, I have been constantly working on my data at night and getting it all together. There are still a lot of work to do to get this paper published but I will continue to work on it. This is the only spirit that keep me going.
For info, I only have one big experiment to be conducted in order to graduate. But I still have one assay that need to be optimized to be incorporated in that experiment. So, during this new study, I will do my best to squeeze some time optimizing this assay in between experiments so that I can get hell out of here as soon as possible.
I am determined to be a new person from this point on. No more complaining, resolve and communicate to others with every issues you have. Welcome new me!
8 comments:
Memang not easy to do your kind of work. I can't help you (since I dislike lab work and can't bear to inject cats, and more importantly because I don't have $$ to fly to US) directly, but I can share these with you :
http://whatpicturessay.blogspot.com/2012/03/walls.html
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovEghdXC4tE
On a more practical side, I implore you to talk to your supervisors in person (not just email), and make your pitch very strong and clear. Kan all parties want to get the best out of this collaboration, so you need to get sufficient input from each party. Assistants? Less distractions?
You go gal!!!! <3
Haha. I watched the clip before, really entertaining! Well, per your advice, during lunchtime I took the opportunity to read a book-- err a comic actually, by Jorge Cham and it was amazing how reading his comic could relieve my stress from work a bit ;) Currently, reading the 4th one!
Anyway, I've talked to Liz last week about this. She went to talk to the staff over there. And the staff said I can utilize their 2 junior specialist whenever I need help. So I did utilize them this week. But still I could not do all 26 cats at the same time- there's only one machine to run my sample and it is also being shared with other users on campus. So, it is still not realistic and overambitious to do that large number of sample.
I do not think talking to N will resolve thing. I remember when we had a discussion before starting a new study October last year.
Liz was saying: " You need to give Farina time to optimize the assay before starting your study"
N: "Okay, we will give her as much time as she needs."
Then, one week later, he emailed us telling he is going to start the study the following week.
Note: He is a 70 years old professor who wanted to see his hypothesis proven as soon as possible (before he lives 6 feet under).
Kak Runiza: Thank you ;)))
sometimes we are getting tired to complain or babbling on shitty thing. at last ..senyap je la and just do it. luckily your SV is really supportive. nnt kak balik malaysia lagi la lot of hurdles are waiting esp deal with shitty shit people yg on paper tip top, ckp besar tp bila implementation hampeh n harapkan org lan. so typical..alike N i guess.anyway, go go, just do it. i know u can do more than this
yeahlah...very often when I head out for lunch, I bring something to read.
then I had to choose between a paper/article or books unrelated to my field.
too often I chose the books, and lunches have always been very entertaining.
last time in Davis, I would cycle to Hometown restaurant kat downtown, stopping at the library on the way to pick up a book, read it during lunch, and return it on the way back to lab. Tak sempat habiskan the book of course, but it doesn't matter. I chose books that are nonfiction, or poetries, or photobooks.
*I have told Dr. Tee to try Hometown!! hahahaha.
Ruru:
Yes. Whenever I feel life is unfair, selalu pikir mesti ada lagi grad student yang tak bernasib baik-- like data hilang ke, or they can only harvest their sample once in a year or once in a month. I am lucky in a way-- every one month I will have new data (and lots of them!)
Haih, yang birokrasi kat malaysia malas nak pikir. Dengar jugak prof2 datang sini buat sabbatical complain pasal workload in Malaysia-- macam2 hal. Anyway, having this kind of experience will help us go through the phase in Malaysia. Insya-Allah.
YH:
Sometimes I always wonder, what is the feeling of becoming a graduate student who can have some free time outside their research world--like you and Fei Yian. (Yes, Fei Yian always traveling here and there all the time). I always wonder what is the feeling of eating lunch without having to rush to finish up the next step of your experiment... (sigh)..
Anyway, Liz wrote a long email to N after meeting with me today. And she said it is time to get my other thesis committee professor to get involved in this-- to talk to N and convinced him what he is doing is not feasible. Hopefully there will be an end to this endless drama.
Farina,
Well, not to discourage you, but you always need to expect for the worst. Today, my old lazy advisor suggested that I postpone my defense in a month time because he is currently still reading the first chapter(half of the dissertation had been submitted to him in NOVEMBER). The other 4 committee members, who had given me their feedback, kept asking me, if I ever get any responses from my advisor. Apparently, he is too busy with teaching only one hour per day per week, and only ONE grad student.
I used to cry and complain about him, now that I used to it, I just laugh, just because I couldn't spare any for him anymore.
Lissa,
Tell me about it.Expect for the worst is part and parcel of science. Ruined experiment, the-only-machine-can-be used-is-broken-as-a-result-I-could-not-read-my-5 days-assay-and-all-my-hardwork-went-to-the-drain. That is just a part of it. Kalau tulis lagi,mau jadi satu page blog. Hahaha.
Well anyway, we have the same problem. I am the only grad student,my professor is only teaching a one hour journal club in a week and she is always busy. I wrote a grant proposal in January submitted to her and haven't heard about it til now.
But let me share with you one info that I got from a seminar:
Your SV is always busy and their grad student is not their priority. So, kalau nak make sure he reads your thesis, pergi tunggu kat pintu bilik dia everyday. Just pretend that you wanna say hi (although you actually wanna know the progress of your thesis). If she/he is always out of town, find out where he/she went and offer to pick her/him up from the airport.
I'm gonna start doing that for my thesis ;) Anyway, congrats again on your thesis defense. Tak lama lagi dah leh jejak kaki kat Malaysia dah. Bestnye!!
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